So while ya'll are having the time of your lives with your soul mates (or just genital-mates or something), preparing for the birth of your offspring or are attached at the hip with your summer fling, I am:

• Finally selling my entire middle school and part of my high school closet on Ebay
• Buying more than my total revenue's worth of someone else's cleaned-out closet...also on Ebay
• Piercing myself - I've done three since the beginning of summer
• Playing modern hip-hop songs on the ukulele in my bathtub for the fantastic acoustics despite my Gottfried-esque singing voice
• Jokingly looking at the "Personals" section of my local Craigslist and silently making fun of some of the silly requests and oddities that are featured in the ad (which is great, until I realized that if anyone looks at my internet history for some reason, they'll just see a whole bunch of "Men seeking Women" personals...)
• Fantasizing about my future home via Pinterest 
• Cooking with TONS of garlic, taking advantage of every moment that I -don't- have the obligation of kissing with bad breath
• Browsing facebook and Xanga, waiting for something to change (when it rarely does)
• Living among the thousands of pages of sub-Reddits and Reddits
• Playing piano (but usually only right before the mailman comes)
• Eating vast amounts of frozen yogurt whilst they still have my favorite flavor
• Getting ready to move/getting ready for another schoolyear
• Playing with my cats
• WORKING. Bitches. 
• Having an [adjective] time looking at how happy people are with a significant other in their life. The midsummer bitterness has commenced. 

Congratulations. You have been much more productive than me this summer. Clap yo' handsies! (It's past 3... give me a break.)

...not permanently, of course, but at least for a while.

As many of you know, I've had my share of sub-par relationships in the past. After a slew of cheaters, liars and deadbeats, I really haven't been in the mood to date. As of late, I decided to give it a try if the opportunity were to arise:

The first is probably the most mild of the three - let's call him Jordan. He's a tall, quite handsome friend of a friend that I've known of for a while now, but never really  had the opportunity to acquaint myself with. Honestly, the idea of dating someone of colour was refreshing - all of my relationships have coincidentally been with Caucasians. He's half African-American with bright green eyes and the body of the football player he so-blatantly is... the eyes were enough for me to say yes to dinner. 

I'd like to think that it went rather well. Having not known each other but having a plethora of friends in common proved an advantage in finding conversation - we talked the entire time. The next day, he was apartment hunting and I was working, so we just texted a bit. The day after that, a friend and I went scouting for photography locations in the valley, which took several hours. I explained this to Jordan, thinking he'd simply accept the fact and wait for another day. He "yelled" at me via text (in caps lock, no less) saying that he didn't believe me and thought I was just avoiding seeing him again, which most definitely was not the case. He was so angry that he never texted me back that day...or any day since. Needless to say, I guess it's for the better - I don't think I need someone with that kind of temper in my life.

The second was a doozy. Long story short, I went on a date, got excited because he was absolutely wonderful, then was later confronted by concerned friends presenting the fact that he physically abused his last girlfriend (who is coincidentally a close friend of my brother's) on a number of occasions for no apparent reason and that he is known for being charming...to f*ck and chuck. That one is pretty self-explanatory. 

The third...oh, where do I begin? This was pointless flirting gone awry...not just awry, more like...f*cking up the wall, around the corner and down the drain. So! Let's see...an employee at a local store started catching my eye long before I went on that date with Jordan. We talked and flirted a little whenever I was in the store, but nothing came of it for several months. He finally found and added me on Facebook and we began speaking in private. He asked for my number, and we started talking more and more. Shockingly, it took me this long to figure out that he's significantly older than me - about five years. Although this isn't a huge difference, I typically date relatively close to my age, and I try to draw the line at four years older for some reason. This age difference explained how we were in the same area for so long without meeting each other (we live in a very small town). Regardless, he looked familiar, but I could never put my finger on where I would have met him; he couldn't either. I decided to drop that, since I figured I was mixing him up with someone else.

Let's fast forward, past a few dates, a few more months, and a bit of regrettable physical activity. We were never in a relationship, and never talked about it either - we were just kind of having a good time with our casual dating. Then I found something peculiar on his Facebook. Call me crazy or something reminiscent of Overly Attached Girlfriend, but I swear I just saw it whilst browsing. An old friend of his asked if he'd still be in the area in November - he responded with something along the lines of "yes, for the next 18 years or so". She seemingly jokingly said "what, you having a baby or something?", to which he replied "I have a baby boy. Haha." I wasn't sure if he was joking or not (he's quite the troll) so I wanted to verify it before I said anything.

I couldn't find any trace of him having a baby recently. No pictures, no posts...not even a trace of a girlfriend. I gave up for a while. Then one day, I was scrolling on facebook, admiring a picture that an old classmate (she dropped out our junior year of high school) had posted. She's full Hispanic, yet she has this beautiful blue-eyed baby - the picture was her son with a paper mustache taped to his upper lip. No one really knew much about the baby or his father, since she was known as a rather promiscuous thing and had since gotten herself a new boyfriend that treated her son like his own. I didn't know her super well in school, so when she announced she was pregnant, I didn't want to ask who the dad was.

Then it hit me like a semi. I flipped through the pictures of her baby, who is, evidently, a carbon copy of his father: the guy I'd been 'dating' this entire time. I then found out why he looked so familiar - she had posted a picture of him and her before she had gotten pregnant. Maybe you could say it's my fault for not asking, but you'd think that it would be something that people would bother to mention. I later verified that he was the father of the baby...my mind is still blown.

I'm fine with kids, but I'm far too young to be dealing with kids right now - especially those who aren't my own. ("You can't tell me what to do. You're not my real mom!") 

Soooo...If there are any guys out there who don't lie, don't cheat, don't have children, aren't over-obsessive, are cuddly and can eat more than I can, please call me.

LOL, jk. Dating around here is bullsh*t.

I'm sure that by now, you all have heard of the awful bombing and shootings last Friday in Oslo, Norway. Initially thought to be some act of Islamic or Muslim terrorism, both attacks were committed by right-wing extremist and self-proclaimed Conservative Christian, Anders Behring Breivik, 32. Within one day, he bombed downtown government offices and impersonated a Norwegian police officer on the island of Utøya, shooting tens of children attending a youth camp. He has confessed to both attacks. [source] 

With "L" being in the center of Oslo, this hits very close to home -- I always try to keep up with news regarding Norway's current situation. Thankfully, L, his close friends, and his entire family is alright, being a few miles from the blast. One thing to which they were relatively close, on the other hand, was Breivik's residence. Which, although he is no longer living there, stirs my stomach a bit to think that such a madman was so close to L and his brothers. Which brings me to my next point...

Norway has no death penalty. It's not a surprise, of course, since it's such a serene and safe country, and such a punishment isn't needed nearly as often as it is in America. (I've seen many quotes from Oslo civilians explaining how this is absolutely unheard of in Norway, much less Europe - that something this big and gruesome "only happens in America".)
So, what's the fate of Mr. Breivik, you ask? It looks like he might be landing in one of the world's most luxurious prisons (personally, I don't think they should exist, but that's a separate matter).

"The documentary photographer Alex Masi writes that the cells are equipped 'with an en-suite bathroom, a flat-screen TV and various comforts. They measure 12 [square meters--about 129 square feet] and are divided up into units (10 to 12) which share a living room and kitchen,' much like a college dorm. Time Magazine described the cells as resembling an Ikea showroom, complete with 'stainless-steel countertops, wraparound sofas and birch-colored coffee tables.'" [source]

You're kidding me. Along with that, about half of the [unarmed!] guards are women, as they have evidently been proven to reduce aggression in inmates. Let me show you the kitchen/bathroom...

I don't know about you, but as an unmarried, working student, this is looking pretty nice. -I- would want to be living there...yet a mass murderer gets that privilege? Come on, now... 

I'm not even going to bother asking anyone's opinions on the possibility of Anders going to this prison. (Halden Prison, Halden, Norway.) I already know what everyone has to say. If someone were to do the same in America, I'd imagine they'd immediately go for life in prison or suffer the death penalty. I find this to be completely unfair -- I would even if I didn't know someone who was deeply affected by the whole matter.

As for the fact that Anders considers himself a Christian (the majority of Norway is either Atheist or Agnostic. It's hard to find anyone who is religious whatsoever in the Caucasian demographic), I'll write about that later. I'm too exasperated to think about this anymore.

First Casey Anthony, and now this. Justice system...where art thou?  

Similar to most little girls, I was a dreamer. I wanted the whole nine yards: meeting my prince charming, him sweeping me off of my feet, getting married, having children, getting a pony and living happily ever after. Pony or no pony, I fully intended on fulfilling that dream.

I had decided by the age of fourteen that I wasn’t a relationship* person, and I was completely fine with it. By then, my parents had gotten divorced (both of them and their siblings have all gone through at least one divorce, so it wasn’t a rarity -- I‘ve been surrounded by divorce my entire life), and I had already seen the downfalls of teenage dating. (Regardless, I ended up dating here and there, which, in most cases, ultimately ended on not-so-great terms.)

The summer before my freshman year of high school, I had it explained to me in a rather simple, yet obvious manner of which I had never thought: All relationships either end, or lead to marriage. For a fact that’s so obvious, I’m in awe that it’s so often overlooked. Needless to say, at this point, I felt no need to prepare myself for a marriage that I felt would eventually end in failure. I was fifteen, and I wanted to stay single forever.

Aside from the fear of divorce in itself, I was never all that normal of a kid. I was afraid that a guy would be turned off by my cooking and eating habits or my extreme like for old video games…among other things. Being from a small town, I’ve never been exposed to many people, but I thought that I knew that I would never find a guy who would want to put up with me.

At age sixteen, I met a boy that immediately changed my mind.
Our first conversation was about Pokemon…about five minutes in, I was in love. There was this appeal in him that I had never felt before about anyone -- I still can’t name it, but something told me, “He’s the one.” Of course, I realized how idiotic I sounded, thinking that he didn’t even think anything of the conversation, and tried to drop it. It didn’t happen.

Within a whirlwind of a few weeks from that talk, we were dating. I won’t go into details, but it was the best time of my life -- laying around the house, cooking for each other, little excursions to the nearest big city, just looking into each other’s eyes and saying absolutely nothing at all… it was better than anyone had ever claimed love to be. It was far beyond butterflies and constant smiling…it was everything that anyone could’ve wanted. I couldn’t believe that this happened outside of fairytales, let alone happen to me.

We had plans of marriage, children, and growing old together. We loved the idea, especially after our families met and got to know each other - it went better than expected. Everyone was getting along perfectly, and we knew that when we got married, there would be no problems with in-laws whatsoever. He was (and still is) perfect in my eyes. We had the rings of our dreams, and we were excited for what the future had in store. We had names and plans for our two kids…we were set. We even prepared for future problems - it was either we have each other, or no one at all. That was a promise.

Yesterday, July 16th, I received a text message (yes, a text message.) from him stating that he was leaving me. (“I’m leaving you and your perfection.” What…) He has since deactivated his phone, and I have no idea where he is. He did say, however, that he was sticking to his promise, and that he prefers that we not be together anymore. He told me that we have no chance in the future, and that I should find someone better than him. He thinks it’s better for me, to find someone “up to my standards” (he should know very well by now that he was more than I could ever dream), but he’s the one that I want. I have never experienced a broken heart before, but this is much worse than I could wish upon even the worst of criminals. I’d rather be hit and scarred than the pain of losing the one that I love.

I have spent the past day on the couch, crying. I’m not hungry, and I’m absolutely filthy. I’m hugging the teddy bear he gave me, wearing his clothes [we didn‘t live together - I just had an old shirt of his to sleep in], and twisting the ring on my finger. Everything in the house reminds me of him -- there isn’t one place within 500 miles of this place where we haven’t been together. He knows me like the back of his hand. My home was just as much his, and everything is empty without him to fill the space next to me. The crying hasn’t stopped, so I’m drinking water in fear of dehydration, when all I’m doing is fueling more tears. My chest literally aches at the thought of never seeing him again -- my whole life was planned. OUR whole life was planned. I can’t even play my favorite video games anymore. There is absolutely nothing that doesn’t remind me of him.

I’m not expecting anyone to say anything, I’m just upset. I don’t know why he did this so abruptly (he’s never mentioned it before…) or why he’s thinking that this is better for me.

Xanga world, I know you’re not all that big in comparison to the planet, but I love this man. I just want to say that I absolutely adore this man, and I want him back.

so...until he (if it even happens) changes his mind...

*As in, I didn’t want to be involved with anyone whatsoever. Not, “I’m just going to sleep around with no strings attached”, but nothing at all.

I want you to think about the number of friends or followers you have. (Xanga, Facebook, Twitter, or one of those folks in the stone age back at MySpace...)

According to several sources, the average number of friends on Facebook is now 120. I somehow expected that to be a lot more; most of my friends are well into several hundred, as I'm sure most of you are as well, but for the sake of being statistically correct, I'll go with 120. [SOURCE]

As of right now, the world population is at an estimated 6,927,493,216. [SOURCE]

Now let's do some math: six billion, nine-hundred twenty-seven million, four-hundred ninety-three thousand, two-hundred sixteen divided by one-hundred twenty is 57,729,110.13.

Fifty-seven million. That's how many times you'd have to multiply your number of friends to get the population of the entire world.

Now it's hard enough to wrap our minds around that figure. Think about all of what is going on in the world: we have nearly 7 billion people spread out among approximately 200 countries (it depends on your definition of a country, but the number is somewhere between 192-250, according to wisegeek). My point is, there's always something ground-breaking going on -somewhere-. 

What we all tend to forget is that not all countries are reasonably stable societies (set government, constitutional rights for all citizens, etc.). Although we had our breakthrough in 1776, there are many other countries who are having their breakthroughs right now, or at least are going through the process. I find that to be something worth reading - seeing how the world is slowly coming together. Now, what I've begun to realize is that the news is basically going down the toilet; the news industry is going toward [even more than they always have] what makes the most money. They aren't going to publish government issues from the other side of the world as the first page unless it somehow involves what the U.S. did to improve it. What they are going to publish, on the other hand, is something appealing to a younger eye. Take the Yahoo! homepage as of right now, for instance:

sigh...well, thanks for letting us know, Yahoo. This is something I expect to read on Lovelyish, not a worldwide search engine. I mean, admittedly, yeah, I read it. I wanted to know who it was -- it seems to be programmed into some of us humans that we need to have reassurance that "famous" people are humans too, and that they make mistakes. Seriously, the internet goes nuts whenever there's a mistake or controversy at hand. (How many times do you read about nip slips, celebrity's personal preferences, public figure's mistakes, etc. at places that should feature...well, other things?)

Yesterday, I believe there was something about Jennifer Aniston's tattoo: I should care, why? Again, I did read the artile, but mainly out of curiosity as to why it was such a big deal. The verdict? Because she's in her forties, and getting inked for the first time. Whoop-dee-do. Yay for being worldly. What I do I want to read? Technological advancements, government issues and resolutions, and scientific discoveries from around the world. I don't think that's unreasonable to want.

I don't have a problem with these stories, in general, but they shouldn't be featured in places where I want to read REAL news. Save the gossip for People, Lovelyish, and Omg!. After all, the world is a big place -- there is always something happening, and what we do now will consistently and inevitably affect our future. I want to be wary, not ignorant.

What do you think of this issue? Does it bother you too, or am I just a little bit more OCD than I was aware? Is there a solution, or will it be this bad as long as the news industry is in a financial slump?

It's 2011.

What?! When did this happen? I clearly remember ringing in the new century not too long ago, and now it's 2011?!

Realizing how quickly time goes by, I know I'm going to be making plenty of changes this year that I previously thought I didn't need: life is simply too short to be worrying and dwelling. I spent the entire year of 2010 (I brought in the year with him) dealing with the actions of my [then] boyfriend. I don't need that. His life is his, and my life is mine -- thank goodness that we decided to cease communication in December. Too much drama, too much dwelling. I'm ready for a fresh start.

It's not about making life-threatening risks every day. It's about living as though you were to die at any given moment. So many times I'll be crying (yes, literally crying) over something and thinking You know, I'll probably look back at this and wonder why I wasted my time. If there's one thing that I can sum this all up into, it's that when you want to express your distress or anger, you most likely have at least twice as many reasons to smile. (Plus, it's easier!)

I know, it sounds stupid. I'm not the kind of person to be standing with no one around, with some face-wrenching smile on my face that makes people wonder What the hell is that girl on, and where can I get some of it? I'm saying that if you're not doing anything with your face, smile; even if it's just a little bit. 

So many of us have lived through things that really make life not seem worth it, but life is honestly a gift. We've been abused, we've been assaulted, we've been yelled at and neglected, but I see the pain inflicted upon me (whether it be physical or not) to be a lesson on how [not] to treat others. If my feelings are hurt, I know not to make someone else feel how I felt. It's simple.

This year, I'm living in the moment, and I'm not going to regret it. I don't have time for that. I'm going to hug if I want to hug, I'm going to kiss if it feels right, and I'm going to smile like it's going out of style. (Oh man... didn't mean to make that rhyme.) 

I'm going to make 2011 a year to miss.

Oh, my sweet Xangans, it has been far too long. How I have missed thee!

I don't know what happened. School, work, (yeah, finally, I got a job!) family...(I'd like to be able to say, "Oh, I was too busy with my boyfriend for the past year," or something, but uh... no. That is most certainly not the case.)

To my little amount of friends and subscribers... how have you been? I hope no one else took an unexpected leave. Life without Xanga is hard to get used to.

Anywho, I hope to catch up with you all soon. I've missed this place.

♥

a lot has happened.

With finishing school [finally!], grad parties, drivers ed, my grandmother's health, work and intertwined drama, I am devastated to say that when my time was running short, xanga was first to go. I'm back. I think.

So driving sucks, my friends are moving, my grandma's in intensive care and I'm on my butt pulling goatheads.

Oh. And Albert has been talking to me lately. He said he was in love with me.

...

WHAAAAAAAAAAT.

Yeah. I don't know either.

1.) Throughout our entire relationship, he never told me that he was in love with me. Or even that he loved me. He said "Love ya." ....okay. You "love meh".

2.) He didn't talk to me for over a month. Yeah. That shows how much you care.

3.) He never mentioned "love" when he broke up with me. It was a solid, harsh "goodbye."

What. The. Fudge.

Now let me show you all a few examples of some of the texts he's sent the past few days...

"Humans learn from mistakes, Kylie.. I've learned I can't live without you."

quite sweet. but really...he's lived without me for quite a while now.

"I ask for another chance. You have my heart in your hand. I don't sleep well, and I don't eat. It's been building up. It was a self-discovery. I made a mistake."

you had my heart in yours too. until you microwaved it and ate it for brunch.

"I promise to never hurt you like that again. I promise to be there when you need me. I promise to keep you safe. And.. I promise to love you. I honestly can't stop worrying about you. I just want one more chance. If I screw it up, I'll leave you alone. Forever."

okay. that one made me cry. that was really sweet!...way to say that after I spent two months trying to get over you. and when I finally succeed... I get this.

I'll elaborate later.

I miss you guys.

That's right. This is the beginning.

But it is also the end.

Out with...

The old; the complaints, the disrespect, the procrastination, the over-eating, the laziness and ignornace.

And in with...

The new; everything but.

This is a promise to you, my family, friends, and myself, that I am in for a new lifestyle and new outlook on my life. I've taken everything for granted and been far too selfish until now. I wanna change.

and I wanna get in shape.

><

Anyway, let me give you a little background as to why I'm ranting about a cheesy life change. You see, I'm still in a wheelchair. I've been concentrating on all of the things I couldn't do that I did before, run in P.E., workout, softball, ski, snowboard, yadayada. And with my medication (which DOES cause quite a bit of turmoil) that makes me hella emotional/pissy/bitchy/etc. [probably why I'm doing this now...]

I need to stop crying (put in quite the literal sense) and change things that I can change. I really need to quit dwelling you know? I mean, today, I made up two days worth of biology that I had missed whilst I was in the hospital. I rightfully got 100%, but was only giving 75% of that, since I was gone. Though my father caused a ruckus by sending an email, a 100% isn't everything, especially if I can't do a thing about it.

am I going crazy?

Seattle, Seattle, Seattle... I'm moving there as soon as possible.

I've gone over two or three times in the past month or so, and I forgot to post some pictures. Pardon the fact that some of the pictures are really crappy; my photography skills are painstakingly mediocre.

When I go up, I usually hang out with friends and .. well, hang out with friends. And eat. I'm not really the touristy type. I must look like such a fob in these pictures.  Some of these are from when I went up myself, and some are from when my cousin and I showed some friends around. Hence the touristiness.

p.s. I run around humid cities without makeup. You have been warned.

This is Miner's, in Yakima, Washington. The food is HUGE. I've been there several times, but nevertheless, I ordered chili-cheese fries. Thinking I could eat them...

This is after me, and 4 friends dug at it for 45 minutes. Really, it's huge. [And greasy... but delicious.]

Okay, I lied. I wear blush. Haha. Alma took this one. Japanese restaurant bathroom.. awkward.

The Experience Music center. This is about 2-stories tall.

My beloved cousin. :)

Underground tour - if you have a weak stomach or hate poop jokes, don't take it.

My friend, Shanti, looking into a cannon at Washelli cemetery. Really reminded me of Arlington National Cemetery.

Kubota Garden. Beauuutiful flowers. :)

I don't even need to say what this is, yeah? :) I'd put up a picture of the view, but I didn't really get any great ones. If you want to see, let me know!

Too much backlight :/ Hm. Also Kubota Garden. I was just waiting for that water drop to fall. :(

I officially fail at taking pictures of people behind me. There's half my head and my messy, curly hair.

Pardon my icky face >< That's a bathroom stall. I'm standing up. I'm 4'10". That's one awkward bathroom.

My brother, at his concert. He sounded amazing, not gonna lie!

Mini-dessert at Todai. Chocolate cake, blueberry cheesecake, strawberry delight, mocha delight and green tea cake! (I know.. I'm a fatty.)

My amazing brother and I. Except I had a really awkward smile.

_____

And last, but almost least...

Me and my cousin on a ferry. Incredibly windy. That's the Space Needle! And that's my ucky face >_<

At least Jade looks adorable. =3

I have no idea what I was looking at. Haha.

___

So that was a combination of my last few trips to Seattle. If you want more, ask. If you think some are too grotesque to look at, let me know. ;)